Friday, 10 July 2015

I cannot stand baby classes.

Controversial. I cannot stand baby classes. 

Now please, please don't bite my head off. I know many people reading this will have been to some amazing classes, where your baby could use sign language to tell you she's hungry at just 5 months old and has learnt to count to 100 by the age of 2 because of these £5 a go sessions. 

But honestly, who on earth pays to have a complete stranger sing at your child in a fairly high pitched voice for 45 minutes, whilst your made to dance around and 'participate' as its good for bonding? 

I have done the above. And when I chatted to some other overly enthusiastic mums as they bashed their tambourine, I got reprimanded by the 'teacher' of said baby class and asked to use the 'tea and biscuit time' after the class for my socialising. 
I felt like the worst mother ever. 

Now you want me to pay £5 a class where you entertain my child and I can sit back and have fudge cake? (Whilst watching of course) I'm there. 

Yes, these over priced, need to remortgage to pay for a term up front classes, have their plus points, meeting new mums, getting out the house and subjecting your child to the wonders of other little ones. 
But surely, does a park not do the exact same thing?! And it's free...

True story. I recently took my 4, 2 and 1 year old to a play centre, there was a toddler music class about to start, the theme I got told was 'baking'. I was encouraged by the teacher to look through the window to watch what they were doing. 

So I did. 

I saw mums sporting bright red chef hats on, stirring pretend cake mixture in a plastic bowl, and trying to sing the words to a song they had never heard. 
I saw one mum trying to have a phone call whilst the music was blurring out 'now chop up the onions sizzle sizzle sizzle' and another mum trying to stop her toddler from constantly trying to escape out the door into the play centre, that the child so desperately wanted to get in to. 
I'm sure the kids enjoyed it, but when I enquired as to the price, I got told it was £5 per child, with a £1 sibling discount. 
Now, for those of us who have ventured into 'large families' you will understand, that for me that meant £13 a week. 
I'll say that again £13 a week for 45 minutes of something I could of re-created in my kitchen. 
With actual cake mixture. 
And an actual cake at the end. 
And still have approximately £10 left over. 
I struggle to see the allure? 
If it's meeting mums you fancy, join one of the many many meet up groups, or be brave and say 'hi, I'm tired, you?' to that mum at the park. 
If it's getting out the house you want, go to the swimming pool, something you can't actually do at home. 

My rant may seem pointless, but in today's age, I see mums putting so much pressure on themselves to have mastered baby massage, yoga, and sign language by the time their child is 12 months old. 

It's ok, you don't need to pay the equivalent of your iPhone phone bill per month to these classes, go take that money and spend it in Costa. You deserve it. Because after that 45 minutes is over, you still have another 12 hours of awake time to fill (if your lucky). 

And chances are your child will have much more fun in a swing. 

2 comments:

  1. urgh!!! My idea of hell! I just think I sit there with a neon sign above my head saying 'desperate for friends'. Not an attractive look I am sure! :) xx

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  2. Now that made me laugh! Yes totally! I just can't get on board with them. Yes either everyone is too shy and I end up being the 'mouthy' one who just tries to talk to anyone, or they are all in their cliques and have known each other since pregnancy yoga class....xxx

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