Saturday, 11 July 2015

What to do you choose? Family or money?

Easy answer for most parents usually. Family. That precious time together, you can never get back. 

And if someone else had the same decision, we as a family currently face, I am pretty confident I would be harping on about quality time together, the importance of being present whilst they are young and how money isn't the key to happiness. 

However this time it's me in the spot light. And now I'm really unsure. 

The (loosely) explained scenario is this. 
The Husband commutes currently 2 hours to work and 2 hours back. The great father he is, he gets up at (literally) the crack of dawn, so he can start and finish work earlier, and be home every night at a respectable 5.30pm to see the children and give me some respite.
I'm very lucky to have married someone who cares enough to do this. 

However, he has now been offered a shift rota. Primarily, this means for 4 days out of 8 he won't see the children, and a fair amount of weekend work would be involved, and just to add the 4 days off wouldn't actually be 'off' as he has other work too. 
Now it's not every weekend, but let's just say enough to bring any mother out in a sweat at just how much 'alone' time she is facing with the children. 

The thing is. It's money. A lot more money.

Enough to make me, the 'money does not even touch the importance of being together' and 'no turn down that extra money for Sunday lunch' person that I am, it's made me seriously question if we should in fact just grab this opportunity by the balls and run to the hills, or maybe fly off in our new helicopter (kidding). 

Part of me thinks of the stability it will give us financially, our home, savings, saving for our 4 daughters future education, it would bring us so many possibilities, for all of us, as unfortunately, money can make a lot of difference. 

But yet, I cannot shake this feeling, a feeling of its totally against every principle I have ever had, it's against the one thing I have always advocated. Being together. 

Yes, we could move nearer to his job, except neither of us want to, we are totally agreed that where we live is such the perfect place to raise our children, that the alternative fills us with dread. 
Our daughters are settled here, we may not have family near by, but I have built up such an incredibly strong network of amazing friends since moving into our little haven, that when the catastrophe of needing to go and watch a school play, but no children allowed (it's distracting apparently..) and I sit and look at my 3 young toddlers and wonder if leaving them outside on a lead is legal, I know I have friends to call upon who my girls love, and those friends will sit and have tea parties with them until I get home. 
We are happy here. So happy. 

But when do you sacrifice for money? Do you ever? 
I thought you didn't, but my lines have become blurred, between, is it really just the family time I'm concerned about? Or is it the thought of being on my own a lot that is eating away in the back of my head? 
Both, in honesty. 
And that is when I feel I need to pull my socks up, think of the future of the family and is it really that bad?

He won't be away for weeks at a time. He won't be posted abroad for months, and so many admirable women and men support their partners who do have to work away a lot, so why shouldn't I. 
I fear it's being too selfish. 
I want the financial stability. 
I want the husband at home every evening for supper. 

I can't have both. So how do you choose? 


  1. You don't know how difficult it might be or how good it could be, so it's like the old folks say, 'hope for the best and prepare for the worst'! If it's an option to trial it for a period of time you're comfortable with, then that's my advice. Trial. You know your limits and if you don't know them now then you'll find them out. Just be prepared to spot them on your horizon and apply the brakes before your limits are on top of you!! Children experience so many developmental phases but we forget that we do too, as adults, and that's a really cool part of being human. As the main carer of you, your husband and your children, it will fall to you to spot any off-balance moments. Keep a tally and don't hesitate to discuss them with your husband, in the manner of any successful partnership. Life is a journey and (I imagine) having some extra cash makes First Class worth it ;) Good luck!

    1. What a fantastic response. Thank you, yes I think trial may be the way to go. It seems to big an opportunity for us all to just pass up on.
      I think our family and our children deserve for us to 'try' and, hopefully, it may just be ok :) x

  2. hmmmm, I would be thinking exactly the same as you are, of course the extra money would be fab but is it worth the reduction in daddy being around?!?! (There I clearly mean supportive husband that allows you to sit in your car!) I really don't know what I would go for, part of me would so want that extra bit of cash but is the price your paying too much?!?! I'm not helping here am I?!?!?! Give it a go and see! You mention you have a great support network around you so maybe it wont be as tough as it may seem as long as you fill your time rather than sit thinking about how much he isn't around?!?! xx

  3. I've been talking to some 'weekend widows' friends, as it's those that bother me the most, they all say you get in a routine but come Monday it can be tough! I think we have agreed on a 6 month trial and see how it works, thanks lovely it's great to hear others thoughts xxx